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October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month
STRESS RELIEF
New Anger Management Strategy
COMMUNICATION TOOLS -- THE FEEDBACK WHEEL
enhance relationships with friends, collegues and loved ones

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healthy relationships

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month

Domestic Violence

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month

Types of Abuse
There are many types of abuse and they are all difficult to experience. Explore this section to learn the different ways abuse can occur so you can better identifying them. Remember, each type of abuse is serious and no one deserves to experience any form of it.

1.    Emotional Abuse/Verbal Abuse Non-physical behaviors such as threats, insults, constant monitoring or “checking in,” excessive texting, humiliation, intimidation or isolation.  
2.     Stalking    Being repeatedly watched, followed or harassed. 
3.     Financial Abuse Using money or access to accounts to exert power and control over a partner.  
4.     Physical Abuse Any intentional use of physical force with the intent to cause fear or injury, like hitting, shoving, biting, strangling, kicking or using a weapon.
5.    Sexual Abuse  Any action that impacts a person's ability to control their sexual activity or the circumstances in which sexual activity occurs, including restricting access to birth control or condoms. Ignoring someone's refusal to engage in sexual activities by repeatedly using emotional, verbal or physical pressure. 
6.     Digital Abuse The use of technology such as texting and social networking to bully, harass, stalk or intimidate a partner. Often this behavior is a form of verbal or emotional abuse perpetrated through technology.
7.     Dating Abuse Dating abuse is a pattern of destructive behaviors used to exert power and control over a dating partner. While we define dating violence as a pattern, that doesn't mean the first instance of abuse is not dating violence. It just recognizes that dating violence usually involves a series of abusive behaviors over a course of time.  
8.     Drugs and Alcohol   can make an unhealthy situation worse, especially if you are an abusive relationship,. Your abusive partner may get you drunk or high to take advantage of you. When you are under the influence of drugs or alcohol, you’re more vulnerable to:
·         Being sexually assaulted.
·         Having unsafe or unprotected sex.
·         Getting a sexually transmitted disease.
·         Getting pregnant.
·         Addiction.

 
Warning Signs of Abuse
Because relationships exist on a spectrum, it can be hard to tell when a behavior crosses the line from healthy to unhealthy or even abusive. Use these warning signs of abuse to see if your relationship is going in the wrong direction:


  • Checking your cell phone or email without permission
  • Constantly putting you down
  • Extreme jealousy or insecurity
  • Explosive temper
  • Isolating you from family or friends
  • Making false accusations
  • Mood swings
  • Physically hurting you in any way
  • Possessiveness
  • Telling you what to do
  • Repeatedly pressuring you to have sex


A safety plan is a  plan that includes ways to remain safe while in a relationship, planning to leave, or after you leave. Safety planning involves how to cope with emotions, tell friends and family about the abuse, take legal action and more. A good safety plan will have all of the information you need and be tailored to your unique situation, and will help walk you through different scenarios. Although some of the things that you outline in your safety plan may seem obvious, it’s important to remember that in moments of crisis your brain doesn’t function the same way as when you are calm. When adrenaline is pumping through your veins it can be hard to think clearly or make logical decisions about your safety. Having a safety plan laid out in advance can help you to protect yourself in those stressful moments. (adapted from the National Domestic Violence Hotline www.thehotline.org).



Resources
National Domestic Violence Hotline    1-800-799-7233 | 1-800-787-3224 (TTY)






















































COMMUNICATION TOOLS -- THE FEEDBACK WHEEL

COMMUNICATION TOOLS   THE FEEDBACK WHEEL
Effective communication takes practice and patience.  Improving communication and emotinal intelligence inreases ones ability to be more relational with  loved ones, co-workers and friends.   The feedback wheel will help you speak in "I" statements, to present your side of the disagreement in  respectful way, to stay focused on a particular behvavior and take full responsibity for your thoughts, feelings and behaviors without blaming, name calling, losing your temper or withdrawing.  Ok, so how does it work:
1.  start by stating, "I have something I need to address with you, Is this a good time for you?"  (if the answer is "no", ask for a committment to a time).
2.  Open with a gift...Start by stating something positive or something that shows you care.
3.  describe the behavior "When You......(report the behavior precisely, as if you were a video recorder on playback -- no opinions here!)
4. State what you made up about what you saw aor heard
5.  State how this made you feel (mad, sad, glad, hurt, afraid, ashamed or guilty)
6. State what you need from your partner
7.  Ask what you can do to help ensure you get what you need
8.  STAY OUT OF THE OUTCOME!
 
Ok, so what does this look like?
 
"Hi Honey, I have something I want to discuss with you.  Is this a good time?
("No, can't you see I'm in the middle of the football playoffs") Will you please let me know when its over so I can talk to you. ("OK")
later~~~
Thanks so much for remembering that i wanted to talk to you.  I really apreciate that your heard me.(2)
Last month I asked you to stop using your credit card.  I just got the credit card statement and there are several new charges on it. (3)
When I see new charges on the statement, I make up that you either are ignoring me or you aren't committed to our new budget.(4)
I feel hurt and scared.(5)
I need you to stick to your agreement and not use the credit card in the future. (6)
How can I help you do this? (7)
If your partner agrees to your request say "Thank You", if not, ask "how can we compromise".
 

enhance relationships with friends, collegues and loved ones

 
Have you ever lost control of your emotions and acted in a way that you came to regret?  Do you  promise yourself  that you will not lose control the next time you are stressed out? Anger management classes teach  skills to help you become aware of your emotions and to help you navigate frustrating, stressful situations.
Sherman Oaks Anger Management classes will teach you to understand your inner process, the emotional triggers that lead to angry reactions, and teach you coping skills to effectively deal with stressful circumstances. You will gain emotional intelligence, improve stress management skills, build healthy communication styles, enhance relationships with friends, colleagues and loved ones and improve your self esteem.