Blog - Anger Management Classes
October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month
There are many types of abuse and they are all
difficult to experience. Explore this section to learn the different ways abuse
can occur so you can better identifying them. Remember, each type of abuse is
serious and no one deserves to experience any form of it.
Non-physical behaviors such as threats, insults,
constant monitoring or “checking in,” excessive texting, humiliation,
intimidation or isolation.
watched, followed or harassed.
Using money or
access to accounts to exert power and control over a partner.
Any intentional use of physical force with the intent to
cause fear or injury, like hitting, shoving, biting, strangling, kicking or
using a weapon.
5. Sexual Abuse Any
action that impacts a person's ability to control their sexual activity or the
circumstances in which sexual activity occurs, including restricting access to
birth control or condoms. Ignoring someone's refusal to engage in sexual
activities by repeatedly using emotional, verbal or physical pressure. 6.
use of technology such as texting and social networking to bully, harass, stalk
or intimidate a partner. Often this behavior is a form of verbal or emotional
abuse perpetrated through technology.
7. Dating Abuse
Dating abuse is a pattern of
destructive behaviors used to exert power and control over a dating partner.
While we define dating violence as a pattern, that doesn't mean the first
instance of abuse is not dating violence. It just recognizes that dating
violence usually involves a series of abusive behaviors over a course of time.
8. Drugs and Alcohol can make an unhealthy
situation worse, especially if you are an abusive relationship,. Your abusive
partner may get you drunk or high to take advantage of you. When you are under
the influence of drugs or alcohol, you’re more vulnerable to:
Being sexually assaulted.
Having unsafe or unprotected sex.
Getting a sexually transmitted disease.
Warning Signs of Abuse
Because relationships exist on a spectrum, it can be hard to tell when a
behavior crosses the line from healthy to unhealthy or even abusive. Use these warning signs of abuse to see if
your relationship is going in the wrong direction:
- Checking your cell phone or
email without permission
- Constantly putting you down
- Extreme jealousy or
- Explosive temper
- Isolating you from family or
- Making false accusations
- Mood swings
- Physically hurting you in any
- Telling you what to do
- Repeatedly pressuring you to
A safety plan is a plan that includes ways to remain safe while in a
relationship, planning to leave, or after you leave. Safety planning
involves how to cope with emotions, tell friends and family about the
abuse, take legal action and more.
A good safety plan will have all of the information you need
and be tailored to your unique situation, and will help walk you through
Although some of the things that you outline in your safety plan may
seem obvious, it’s important to remember that in moments of crisis your
brain doesn’t function the same way as when you are calm. When
adrenaline is pumping through your veins it can be hard to think clearly
or make logical decisions about your safety. Having a safety plan laid
out in advance can help you to protect yourself in those stressful
moments. (adapted from the National Domestic Violence Hotline www.thehotline.org).
RELIEF FROM STRESS
Being able to manage and relieve stress in the moment is the key to staying balanced, focused, and in control, no matter what challenges you face. If you don’t know how to stay centered and in control of yourself, you will become overwhelmed in conflict situations and unable to respond in healthy ways.
There three common ways people respond when they’re overwhelmed by stress. Which one are you?
1. Foot on the gas. An angry or agitated stress response. You’re heated, keyed up, overly emotional, and unable to sit still.
2. Foot on the brake. A withdrawn or depressed stress response. You shut down, space out, and show very little energy or emotion.
3. Foot on both gas and brake. A tense and frozen stress response. You “freeze” under pressure and can’t do anything. You look paralyzed, but under the surface you’re extremely agitated.
Stress interferes with the ability to resolve conflict by limiting your ability to:
· Accurately read another person's nonverbal communication.
· Hear what someone is really saying.
· Be aware of your own feelings.
· Be in touch with your deep-rooted needs.
· Communicate your needs clearly.
Is stress a problem or you?
You may be so used to being stressed that you're not even aware you are stressed. Stress may be a problem in your life if you identify with the following:
· You often feel tense or tight somewhere in your body.
· You're not aware of movement in your chest or stomach when you breathe.
· Conflict absorbs your time and attention.
Learn how to beat stress in the moment
The best way to rapidly and reliably relieve stress (if you don't have someone close at hand to talk to) is through the senses: sight, sound, touch, taste, and smell. But each person responds differently to sensory input, so you need to find things that are soothing to you.
· Sight- If you’re a visual person, try to manage and relieve stress by surrounding yourself with soothing and uplifting images: a favorite photo, a peek out the window, a favorite color, close your eyes and imagine a favorite scene.
· Sound- Are you sensitive to sounds? A music lover? Try to manage stress and relieve stress by humming a favorite tune, listen to a soundtrack from nature like crashing waves, the wind rustling in the trees, the birds chirping, wind chimes.
· Smell - If you tend to zone out or freeze when stressed, surround yourself with smells that are energizing and invigorating. If you tend to become overly agitated under stress, look for scents that are comforting and calming. Light a scented candle, smell a beautiful flower.
· Touch - Experiment with your sense of touch, playing with different tactile sensations. Focus on things you can feel that are relaxing and renewing like: Wrap yourself in a warm blanket, pet a dog or cat, hold a comforting object, soak in a hot bath, give yourself a hand or neck massage.
· Taste - Slowly savoring a favorite treat can be very relaxing, but mindless stress eating will only add to your stress and your waistline. The key is to indulge your sense of taste mindfully and in moderation. Eat slowly, focusing on the feel of the food in your mouth and the taste on your tongue: You might chew a piece of sugarless gum, indulge in a small piece of dark chocolate, sip a cup of coffee, eat a perfectly ripe piece of fruit.
COMMUNICATION TOOLS THE FEEDBACK WHEEL
Effective communication takes practice and patience. Improving communication and emotinal intelligence inreases ones ability to be more relational with loved ones, co-workers and friends. The feedback wheel will help you speak in "I" statements, to present your side of the disagreement in respectful way, to stay focused on a particular behvavior and take full responsibity for your thoughts, feelings and behaviors without blaming, name calling, losing your temper or withdrawing. Ok, so how does it work:
1. start by stating, "I have something I need to address with you, Is this a good time for you?" (if the answer is "no", ask for a committment to a time).
2. Open with a gift...Start by stating something positive or something that shows you care.
3. describe the behavior "When You......(report the behavior precisely, as if you were a video recorder on playback -- no opinions here!)
4. State what you made up about what you saw aor heard
5. State how this made you feel (mad, sad, glad, hurt, afraid, ashamed or guilty)
6. State what you need from your partner
7. Ask what you can do to help ensure you get what you need
8. STAY OUT OF THE OUTCOME!
Ok, so what does this look like?
"Hi Honey, I have something I want to discuss with you. Is this a good time?
("No, can't you see I'm in the middle of the football playoffs") Will you please let me know when its over so I can talk to you. ("OK")
Thanks so much for remembering that i wanted to talk to you. I really apreciate that your heard me.(2)
Last month I asked you to stop using your credit card. I just got the credit card statement and there are several new charges on it. (3)
When I see new charges on the statement, I make up that you either are ignoring me or you aren't committed to our new budget.(4)
I feel hurt and scared.(5)
I need you to stick to your agreement and not use the credit card in the future. (6)
How can I help you do this? (7)
If your partner agrees to your request say "Thank You", if not, ask "how can we compromise".
Have you ever lost control of your emotions and acted in a way that you came to regret? Do you promise yourself that you will not lose control the next time you are stressed out? Anger management classes teach skills to help you become aware of your emotions and to help you navigate frustrating, stressful situations.
Sherman Oaks Anger Management classes will teach you to understand your inner process, the emotional triggers that lead to angry reactions, and teach you coping skills to effectively deal with stressful circumstances. You will gain emotional intelligence, improve stress management skills, build healthy communication styles, enhance relationships with friends, colleagues and loved ones and improve your self esteem.
SHERMAN OAKS ANGER MANAGEMENT INCLUDES ASSESSMENTS FOR DEPRESSION, ANXIETY, PTSD AND ADHD in the initial assessment….
At Sherman Oaks Anger Management, our Psychotherapists and Certified Anger Management Facilitators have noticed that frequently persons who experience problems in self-control/anger management are also likely to suffer from depression. Depression is often masked by anger. Depression often appears as irritability, impatience, intolerance or violent outbursts (both verbally or physically).
Sherman Oaks Anger Management routinely administers pre- and post- assessments to all clients. These assessments are based on emotional intelligence (knowledge of self-awareness, self-control, social awareness and relationship management). At Sherman Oaks Anger Management, in addition to conducting the pre- and post- assessment for emotional intelligence, we also include a screening for depression, anxiety, PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) and ADHD. The assessment is performed by a licensed mental health professional.
Anger Management has become a "buzz" word. I have my Google Alerts, set to send me an email when an article about Anger Management appears in the news. Guess what? I get several email alerts daily! So how do you decide which Anger Management class to take? I have posted some questions to ask when looking for an anger management class:
- Which anger management curriculum is used? Sherman Oak Anger Management uses the Anderson and Anderson model, highly acclaimed, evidenced based and the only model recognized by the LA Courts.
- Are your instructors all "certified" anger managment facilitators?At Sherman Oaks Anger Management, all of our coaches are certified by Anderson and Anderson. They have all passed extensive training in the curriculum, teaching strategies and group facilitation skills.
- Do you use a mixture of lecture, group discussion and multi-media presentations to teach anger management curriculum?Sherman Oaks Anger Management uses a variety of teaching straegies to accomodate all kinds of learning needs. We intermix videos, role play, written assignments, group discussion with lecture and practice.
- What is the total cost for the assessment, the workbook and the classes?At Sherman Oaks Anger Management, individual classes are $20.00 each. Packages with discounts up to 15% are available for multiple class purchases. All clients receive an extensive anger profile prior to beginning classes and again at the end of thier series of classes. The use of pre-and post assessments documents changes in anger management strategies.
- What is Executive Coaching? Executive Coaching is private instruction taught by a licensed mental health professional. In one on one coaching sessions, material can be presented in depth, quickly and privately. When appropriate, individual psychotherapy can be included.
Costs of Anger
If you are
like most people, you are probably intelligent and have good skills for
resolving conflict and difficulties – when you are notangry. After you have cooled down, you can calmy
identify and agree that you did not function at your best while in a state of rage.
may help in some situations, it is rarely helpful in making positive change or
solving conflicts. Although anger is a
normal human emotion, it is hardly the most useful for solving problems. Anger
often leads to aggression. Aggression
can be seen in many forms of violence, including road rage, desk rage, spousal
abuse, child abuse , animal abuse, elder abuse and violence between
children. The evening news is filled
with examples. While anger does not
automatically lead to aggression, it often does. It is frequently a blueprint for
For many of you, who may not
have considered addressing this issue on your own, Anger Management classes may well be an
opportunity to improve your ability to manage intense emotions and to practice healthy styles of communication.
Adapted from Gaining
Control of Ourselves, pgs. 21-23.
Anderson and Anderson 2005.
Control of Ourselves is the workbook used to support material taught in our